FOUND IT!!!!

...yay for me, I know.  But isn't that what blogging is all about?  The little victories?  Now what will I have to nag at me all these livelong days?
Of course, I cheated.  I started thumbing through the pages of Atarimania, looking under the category of "Arcade-Miscellaneous."  Never in a million years expecting to find it there.  I mean, after all, it's a side scroller, right?  It's a bit like Defender, n'est ce pas?  Except that you can only go right, and there are no people to save.  Okay, well, it's a bit like Air Strike, is it not?  Forgive me... Airstrike, but without the ability to shoot.  And to a lesser extent, the second level of Lunar Leeper.  Love that game.
...no, seriously.  No ability to shoot.  Even Vorrak / Zardon lets you shoot to a limited extent!
Okay, enough comparisons.  You get to the final part of the level... make sure to get enough fuel.  You'll figure it out... and THEN you finally get to shoot!  However, it's at this point that the game feels a bit unfinished.  Maybe that's the programmer's thing, I don't know.  The gimmick they're known for, if only in the database world.  I mean, hey, if they paid $39.95 back in the day for this one, why not the next, right?  And the next after that?  I tried to get to what seems like the game's conclusion, and poof.  Error message.  Error message in Atari emulator.  Always depressing when an emulation breaks down.  Or never starts, like Floyd of the Jungle!  I gotta play different games.  Bristles, too.  Bristles really REALLY doesn't work in emulation form.  Especially when you turn right.  Or maybe left.  If there's a way to play Bristles and not have to back out of a corner... AND THERE ISN'T... okay, on to next game.  Also, the reward structure of "Dark Star" is a little weird.  I mean, why should a person get points just for moving?  What is that?  That's just inflation!

#KittenFeed

Yeah, Asteroids is fun.  But do you ever get the feeling like you're just a speck in a petri dish, battling the giant anemones... or whatever?  Amoebas with flagellum and what not?  Well, you might get that feeling if you go to kittenfeed.com... except, of course, for the cat's paws, and the giant douche-y targets you're supposed to scratch.  Apparently, the game is too libelous for certain lawyers, so the game might have to move to a different web site.  Stay vigilant, gamers.  As always, the party goes underground...

Frank Cohen's Scooter... back to Level ONE!!!!

OH NO YOU DON'T... I've got 36,000 points to score in other games, thank you very mutch.

Frank Cohen's "Scooter," Level 8

Wait a minute... is this the LAST level?  There's no level above us now!  The baddies from level 1 are back... I'm still trying to think of how to describe them.  Half robot, half gumball machine... from Hell.  Perfect.  Pardon me, rephrase... FROM HELL. 
And you can't kill them this time, so they're extra deadly, especially when you try to finish the upper left hand corner of the game board, because they can't seem to leave.
Oh, this is the everything level, no question about it!  You got a magnet, one of those transport thingies, a free pass back to Level 7 should you decide to take it, the wavy vents of Brewbiz, the bullet pipes... too bad probably a good thing that this isn't a Letterman bit, because there'd be a Pavlovian ding noise after each thing listed.

Frank Chloe's... Cohen's "Scooter", Level Seven

Ah, my lucky level.  The Ass Lightning Roombas from Hell are the enemy again.  Must be the designer's favourite or sumpthin.  Now, here's another detail that makes me wish I was playing Brewbiz again... the deadly wavy lines from the vents are back!  Why, I didn't even bother to see what death by them was like... yup, same stupid "Scooter" death.  I prefer the Brewbiz way.  When you get fatally killed in Brewbiz, aside from falling off the screen completely, you land on the closest ground, and sit there holding your giant gourd-shaped head.  The music that accompanies this fate better underscores the worry of it all... at least, for me, anywho.  The other new feature this level has to offer is a new type of transport.  As you can see, it's at the top of the game board and it transports you... TO THE PREVIOUS LEVEL!!! OH OH OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  Makes me wish I played this way back when on an actual Atari computer.  Why, I'm imagining right now what my reaction would be.  Shock at first, then trying to figure out what other games have such a feature.  This might be the only one!  As long as it doesn't cost you a Scooter life... nope!  Just the trauma of not getting ahead in the game of life, or the game of "Scooter."  Can't get enough of that.

Frank Choe... Cohen's "Scooter," Level 6

The Ass Lightning Roombas from Hell are back.  Love those things.  The new feature this time?  Why, magnets, of course!  Another video game mainstay.  Magnets, bitch!  Naturally, they have to have an antidote, and the game provides that, in lieu of those enemy-neutralizing keys.  They got a new theme song!  Help that hopes!  I mean... hope that helps!

Frank Cohen's "Scooter," Level 5

Whelp, there it is!  The purple-y level 5.  The balloons on wheels from level 1 are back.  The only new feature (visible) is that there's a transport that will take you from one isolated part of the level to another... I'm pretty sure it's a Fire Code hazard.  You know, only the movie Spaceballs seems to address the fact that non-Jason Statham-based transporters of matter might malfunction.  I mean, every thing man-made, made by men (and women) eventually breaks down, right?  Take our crumbling infrastructure, for one.  As Republican politicians often say, "Our infrastructure is crumbling... and getting crumbling-er."  But let's leave that aside for now, because there is a whimsical side to "Scooter"'s new-fangled transports.  When you step on one of these transports, well... my words fail to do it justice.  Probably.  Needles to say, these transports seem a lot less high-tech when you pass through them.  Good gaming tip: once you use them, you can't use them for a couple seconds, thereby giving you ample time to stomp on the dots inevitably near their entrance.