For those of you eagerly waiting for me to dominate you in Words with Friends, you'll have to wait, as they're experiencing technical difficulties... reminds me! Gotta check in with Tetris Battle so I get my five spins. Anyway, back to Kangaroo. Someday I will get that 100,000 points... which tells me right away that I'm just not a good parent. Girls, take heed of this game, an excellent fatherhood test for your man. That I would let my baby slip out of my paws in the first place, and be held captive in this Donkey Kong variation. So now I must slowly claw my way to the top of the screen, with these cursed boxing gloves tied to my arms, and jump for joy for my meals. But just as Lot's wife turned to a pillar of salt, this task of grabbing the goodies can lead you astray. If you spend all your time ringing that bell and grabbing those progressively-more-valuable goodies, what kind of parent does that make you? Isn't the reward of being by your child's side reward enough? Girls, if your man doesn't head straight for the kid every time, dump that man immediately. If your man doesn't punch two monkeys on the third level then head straight for that ladder to jump onto the platform, dump him immediately. If he gives up on the game entirely, finding it to be a pointless endeavor, dump him immediately. Being a father doesn't stop just because the video game gets boring. The only way to know for sure if your guy is good father material is if he keeps playing Kangaroo forever and ever and ever, amen. If and only if he does that, you hang on to him for life, fetch him beers and what not, etc. Ah, marriage.
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